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Taking Bumble private is the smartest acquisition, benefiting both users and the company. After all, frontier tech belongs in a business built on human connection, and real relationships will only get more valuable as AI makes everything else cheaper. Meanwhile, long-term ownership will facilitate patient management instead of chasing quarterly numbers.
Nothing illustrates Bumble's total desperation more than selling itself for a fraction of its peak valuation, after ditching its female-led mission in August. Private ownership, however, will not rescue its fortunes. Instead, it will mean more paywalls, more AI gimmicks and less accountability to the people who made the app matter.